Copied it here too because I'm too self-deceiving and can't stop telling myself that people actually care about what I want to share.
[Excerpt]
...wow. Nothing posted in 2010. Or in fact, shortly since I enlisted. Which is to be expected though, considering how I'm too lazy to ponder upon what is postable and unpostable about the army life. Also partly because I 'migrated' to FB. Which I just sadly realized is good for socializing with 'friends' and all, but isn't good for sharing content that can possibly benefit people outside of your 'friends' list.
How could this benefit anyone, you ask? Well, I can dream, can't I? About people reading this excerpt and becoming interested in this series, and popularizing it, and starting a new boom.
I can dream, that's for sure. Yeah. Tohoho.
EDIT (2155): Album of the screenshots I took in jECO. Suddenly reminded of this upon revisiting my blog after all this time
(This conversation takes place in The Girl, Kirisaki Kyouko's home between her and The Undying Boy, Node Kugito, after Kyouko confesses her 'love' to Kugito)
"First off, as you have guessed, Kugito, I am the serial killer that has been appearing in the local news of late. Seems I've become quite the boom on the Internet recently as the 'Midnight Killer'."
Even thought I knew it already, it still feels weird hearing it straight from her mouth. Not to mention she doesn't look the least bit like the kind of screwball psycho killer with a record-breaking body count. How should she look like then? Well, she'd probably have dark gloomy eyes, carry a chainsaw all the time and talk like an asylum inmate but then again, I'm not even sure such a person exists in real life. Rather, not all criminals look like that anyway. The majority would in fact be normal-looking people that no one would suspect, like this girl here. Sad to say.
"However, I am not a psychotic killer as the news makes me out to be. At the very least, I can vouch for myself that I do not enjoy murdering people."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you ever sliced meat?"
...what?
"Of course I have. What's your point?"
"How did you feel?"
"Huh?"
"When you sliced meat."
"...I feel like I just sliced meat?" In the first place, name me one person who'd think anything about slicing meat.
"That would be me."
Kirisaki Kyouko stuck her hand under the kotatsu. With a clicking sound, she detached her knife and the holster from her thigh and places it on the table.
"By the way, have you ever had sex?"
"There's nothing 'by the way' about that at all."
"It may be a different topic, but it is related. Trust me."
"...of course not."
17-year-old virgins may be rare in this time and age, but unfortunately I'm not like those puberty boys in my class. Currently not interested in the opposite sex, nor in the act itself. And this is important: I'm not gay either. Proof?
"Then have you masturbated before?"
"......well, yeah."
There you go. Just an average Joe here, being average.
"Wait, what's that got to do with what you were talking about earlier? Or are you just trying to embarrass me?"
"That, too. But trust me, there is a link to the topic."
" 'That too'? That's not reassuring at all, you sick girl."
"Words can be a powerful tool, you know."
To embarrass me?
"Back to the topic. In general, the act of sex, or masturbation, is used to experience pleasure. It is also known as an orgasm. Either way, humans touch themselves, or stick their private parts into others people's holes to feel good. Understand so far?"
"Yeah, " of course I do, but... "am I the only one feeling weird talking to a girl my age about masturbation, sex, orgasms and sticking parts into holes?"
"Oh, not hardcore enough for you? Why didn't you say so? Shall I show my breasts and blush while talking? Or maybe my vir---"
"Back on topic. Now."
"I see. Fine, we can talk about that another time. Now, the final result is the same for everyone, but how everyone attains it is different. Some only like women with big breasts, some only like the opposite. Some like their girls or boys in their teens, some like them in kindergarten."
"Pedophiles, you mean."
I said with a spiteful tone. Maybe it's because of my sis and her job of dealing with that kind of people on a daily basis. Either way, I have a deep hatred for that kind of people.
"Just to make myself clear, pedophilia is just a form of fetish. True, the very fact that there are people who go for adolescents is depraved. However, most people stop at it simply being an interest. They satisfy their curiosity with 2D or 3D videos and the likes and stop there. The common opinion that 'pedophilia equals felons' would be rude to the hard work of such people. That would be like saying all BDSM lovers go around abusing people on the streets."
"...Fair enough. Got it."
"Very good. Now, to summarize, the different tastes, or obsessions that people have in terms of sex is known as a 'fetish'."
Kirisaki Kyouko noticed the 'what's your point?' look on my face and continued.
"Most likely, my fetish is mutilation."
"What?"
"Most people simply think 'Ah, I just sliced meat', and that's the end of the story. In my case, however, the feeling of the blade sinking into the meat, the sight of the blood gushing out from the slit. They all give me immense pleasure. To be frank, I am confident that I can come just by slicing meat."
A little too frank there, girl.
"...In my childhood, I got by with meat from the kitchen. But as I grew older, I began to want more. One day, I found a rat in my home and thought to myself: how about slicing this rat? If it felt that good with lifeless meat, living flesh will definitely feel different. And with that, I tore apart the rat with a knife. That was my first time. Something different from what I had experienced welled up in me. It was an indescribable sensation... like shivers running from my spine down to my feet."
And so, Kirisaki Kyouko started her streak by killing animals. From rats, to the family pet hamster, the neighbor's sparrow, crows, pigeons. It grew from there, to bigger animals like cats and dogs.
"I buried all the carcasses. I was worried about what would happen if people found out, but the pleasure pushed me on."
Slicing abdomens, stabbing flesh, pulling out guts, and laying them all out like a display. All while she drowned in ecstasy.
"... ..."
The kettle suddenly sounded loudly from the pantry. Kirisaki Kyouko stood up silently and headed to the back. Soon, she returned and placed a cup of tea in front of me and herself. I wasn't really in the mood to drink after hearing that though. Kirisaki Kyouko noted that, and went ahead with her tea.
"And eventually, "
Kirisaki Kyouko placed her cup down. It made a slight sound.
"I wanted to kill people."
She said she didn't remember when it started. It could have been because she saw a model of the human body on an educational show, or a diagram of the human body in a biology textbook.
"The only part I remember vividly was what went through my head then. 'I've had my fun with animals. The next level would be the same living things as myself.' Of course, I knew that if I went through with it, there would be no turning back. That held me back. When girls my age were talking about romance and friendship, all I could think of was stabbing people."
Sinking her knife into a bigger body, tearing apart the flesh, and see the blood gush out. Thinking of how much pleasure it would give her. Soon enough, Kirisaki Kyouko could not suppress that impulse any longer.
"...The first time I committed murder was when I was in the 2nd year of middle school, 3 years ago."
It didn't matter to her what she killed. At that time Kirisaki Kyouko , at the recommendation of some bad company, dabbled her hands into prostitution. As she looked upon the salary-man smiling to himself as he brought her into a hotel, she thought to herself: 'this will do.'
"It felt so great, slicing into human flesh..."
Greater than anything she had sliced before. That irresistible euphoria rushed through her system. The cowering face of the salary-man didn't matter. Her only goal was to slice. To stab. To gouge. To penetrate. That was all.
"It was so great I was sure this was a hundred times better than sex. I came immediately... and repeatedly, all while thinking how depraved I was."
And thus.
Kirisaki Kyouko could never ever forget that feeling, ever again.
"That's why... you became a serial killer?"
I took a deep breath and sighed heavily. That sure was a depressing story.
"...I couldn't help it."
"Killing people?"
"No... Humans are so fragile. All I want is to stab, not to commit murder. But... people die when you stab them."
Kirisaki Kyouko's eyes fell upon her hands on the kotatsu mat.
"You have no right to say that it can't be helped."
Kirisaki Kyouko's eyes raised and glared at me sternly for a second, before drooping back to her hands again.
"...I am aware of that."
I am well aware of that, she whispers once again.
"There is no excuse, nor pardon for the depravities that I have committed. I am well aware of that. But the fact still remains that I can't help it. ...I can never stop."
The stern and upright Kirisaki Kyouko from before was now nowhere to be found. Kirisaki Kyouko wrapped her arms around herself, looked downwards and bit on her own lips.
(skip, unrelated content)
"You are absolutely right, Kugito. I should turn myself in to the police. However... to be honest, I am afraid. Not of being caught, but of the fact that should I be tried as underaged, and sent to a home... I will simply revert once I am out. This impulse is not something I can control. As impossible as it is to ban humans from engaging in sexual intercourse, there is no way to stop me from wanting to stab people... That is my fear."
"...That doesn't mean you should remain free---"
"---Yes, indeed. ...that is why I have always decided to comply should I ever be caught. And yet, "
"And yet?"
Her gaze slowly fixed themselves to my face.
"there you were."
"Me?"
"I killed you before, and yet you appeared in the class I transferred into. Surprised, yes. But more than that, I saw a light of hope. 'Could it be?' 'No way.' 'Impossible', I told myself. But you proved me wrong."
"...of what?"
"You are indeed..."
Kirisaki Kyouko, unlike her usual self, took a deep breath and with tension in her shoulders, asked.
"...an undying man. Am I right?"
"... ..."
I couldn't answer her immediately. I could kind of see where this was heading. But oh, damn those eyes of hers beaming with hope. I eventually gave in and, slowly but surely, replied.
"Well... yeah."
"As I thought..."
She closed her eyes, as if to ponder over something. And soon, "Alright." she opened her eyes, stood up straight and bowed down to me.
"Once again, I ask of you... Please, be my boyfriend."
"...that explains everything."
So that's why, I thought as I sighed to myself.
"Even if you do not love me, allow me to be by your side. Should you ever have a girlfriend, I shall not intrude on your time together. All I ask is that you accept me when I need you. As long as I can be with you, I swear I will never kill another person ever again. I beg of you, please. I..."
Kyouko went down on her knees, clutched my hands and with a look of desperation,
"I need you."
[Top]