DQN Names

In a nutshell, DQN names in Japan is when parents name their children in ways nobody else can possibly fathom. If you are a fellow Japanese language learner like me, you'll probably have encountered problems with trying to learn how to read the names of people via the kanji alone. Common ones like 田村ゆかり (Tamura Yukari), 水樹奈々 (Mizuki Nana) or 中田譲治 (Nakata Jouji) are easier to figure out, while some like 子安武人 (Shian Bujin? Nope, Koyasu Takehito), 福圓美里 (most people wouldn't even know that the second kanji is the original Traditional Chinese version of the now-simplified 円) or 山本希望 (Yamamoto Kibou? Nope, it's read as Nozomi)

DQN names is when this is jacked up to eleven, pushed even further and eventually breaks the meter into stupid.

Pictured.

So as a case study of sorts, and because I freakin' love case studies, here is a sample that began floating around Twitter and the likes about a month back. (I'll be going down the list left-right, up-down. Left are boys and right are girls in this class list. The normal names will be left out because well, I'm not here to make fun of even the ones with sensible parents. Even assholes have standards.)

F1) A Japanese person named マリリン (possible romanisation: Marilyn) sounds a little overboard, but the person might be a Japan-born Westerner so it's not as bad as the later examples. Especially because this parents at least didn't resort to some weird-ass kanjinization.

M2) 瞬, read as せつな. In a sense, 一瞬 and 刹那 (setsu-na) have similar meanings but still, what the hell parental unit.

F2) 花子 (hana-ko, lit: flower child). Read as ふらわぁ (fu-ra-waa). I don't know if this, or naming your son Hanna is worst.

M3) Naming your son 銀河 (gin-ga, lit: galaxy) may sound strange, but trust me. At least it sounds like a name, and at least no one will have trouble figuring out the reading.

F3) 錯乱坊 (saku-ran-bou, lit: derange boy), a clear pun on さくらんぼう (lit: cherry). Except according to the listing this is a girl's name, so depending on whether this girl introduces herself by writing or by speech things could get very interesting very fast.

More importantly, naming your child "deranged" sounds like a sure-fire way to reenact the Higurashi Axe Murder case.

M4) 虎王 (lit: tiger king) read as らいおんきんぐ (lit: Lion King). I broke my ass laughing.

M7) 太郎 (ta-rou). I'll explain this later.

F7) 佐藤 砂糖 (sa-tou sa-tou). Let me explain. 佐藤 is a fairly common surname in Japan. 砂糖 on the other hand is literally "sugar". You named your child "sugar" and made her name the same as her surname. Congratulations you gave your child a fate even Fujioka Misaki, an anime character, avoided.

M8) 一文字 (read as hayato). That's not the way to become a Kamen Rider, yo.

F8) 佐倉 杏子 (sa-kura kyou-ko). Nothing out of the ordinary here so let's move on wait what.

Whaaaat. The father either didn't think this one through, or is trying to hint something.

M9) 妖狐 (you-ko, lit: demonic fox). While this isn't exactly DQN-style original, who the hell names their son "demonic fox"? At least, where I come from calling someone a "demonic fox" is equivalent to "slut". Man sluts? Who would profit from that?

M10) 四天王 (lit: four heavenly kings. less literally and one of many translations: Elite Four). Heh, four. Aoba Kozue is five personalities in one.

F10) 樹璃庵 (ju-ri-an). Remember that thing I said about Marilyn?

M11) 刃矢徒 (ha-ya-to). Remember that thing I mention just one line above this?

F11) 韮 (sumire). I don't know man I just don't know anymore.

M12) 犬郎 (read as ta-rou). Remember Tarou above? That's where the dot is supposed to go, not like this example.

M13) 大地 (lit: great earth) read as Terra (tera, lit: great earth). This guy is sooo losing his body to grand theft me some day.

F13) にゃあ (nyaa). The biggest mystery here is how someone who actually names their child "Nyaa" managed to survive their entire life till they got married, gave birth to a child, and then subsequently ensured their child would be one of the biggest jokes ever without getting arrested or blown up by aliens.

M14) 星の玉子様 (hoshi no tama-go-sama, lit: lord egg of the star). I'm guess they were trying for a reference to 星の王子さま, the Japanese title of "Le Petit Prince", a very nice and classic novel. Worst than the second Tarou's parents though, they got so confused with the dots they added legs to the snake.
Could be worst though. They could have named their son 精の玉子様 (lit: lord egg of the sperm).

F15) 箱女 (lit: box girl), read as Pandora. Considering "opening Pandora's box" right about refers to what appearing to be a minor action actually being about major consequences, I'm guessing Pandora here and Sakuranbou above would make very good friends.

F16) 心 (lit: heart) read as Heart (haato). The only way I can imagine this being worst is if they named her ♡.


And to round this all up, this is what's written at the bottom for the poor, poor yet I assume amply humored form teacher of this class of children of clowns:

生徒の名前は絶対に間違わないこと。（毎年保護者から苦情が来ています）
Do not make mistakes with the students' names. (We get complains from the guardians about this every year)